Saturday, June 20, 2009

We Just Get By However We Can


Not sure what to think anymore. That descending arpeggio on Lily Allen’s “The Fear” sounds beautiful. "Everyone's At It" mesmerizes me. Does that mean I’m a fuck up? Have you ever had one of those nights – or weeks, or months – where it just doesn’t make sense? The whole thing? Where you realize that you didn’t seize the opportunities, didn’t throw caution to the wind, and played it safe? It’s one thing to look back at a single year of wasted time, but two decades… I find myself retreating, hiding in fucked-up fantasies. The things I am doing, that are supposedly great, things of substance, are just specious interactions with truth. I know that’s what’s happening, yet attempting to move the auto-pilot switch into the off position is… what, scary? Why all the fear? Can’t figure any of it out. Feel worthless, pathetic. 

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